Red blaring lights were seen. A crash. 

“Why were you ever born?” 

Bangs and ringing enough to gouge out eyes and make ears bleed. 

“You” — thump — “do not” —crack— “belong – !”

Embers swallow my senses, and suddenly — 

Black. 

That was all I remembered before I awoke. As the tender rays of sunlight pierced through the mellow clouds and massaged the skin over my face, my eyes fluttered awake. The world was showered in pure white, unconcerned with the colours that identify reality. I was frozen—transfixed at the sight of paradise captured in my dark irises. 

I looked down and a cardinal red stained my hands. And all at once, the sallow utopia broke apart. The innocence in my eyes shrunk away, and I was surrounded by haunting, bloody corpses splattered with gore. The subtle scent of tranquility was now replaced with a musty, odd scent that lumped in my throat longingly. 

Who are these people? 

I turned to my cracked palms, yearning for any answer. As if they responded, the blood that blemished my skin sunk deeper, engraving my transgressions into the depths of my soul and murmuring the “truth”.

I guess I slaughtered them.

I stood there motionless, the culmination of guilt crushing my spirit, body, and soul. The gorey faces that haunted me would not utter an explanation. Their tormented faces only warped further into a ghoulish agony. I eventually succumbed. I was a prisoner of my feelings; static in perpetual contemplation, confusion and haunted by the red blotches of lingering guilt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The landscape was coloured in a pool of blood. No light pierced through the void sky. I stood in the epicentre, confined, tortured by the mild and mildew that crept underneath my flesh. My body was but a hollow shell, and my eyes were smudged with red. 

Was I a “self”?

I stared at my reflection and twisted my face in sin. It uttered no answer, so I created my own. 

Then I guess I lost “self” long ago. 

But for the first time in forever, I saw life. A maiden clad in white emerged from the darkness, skipping merrily with angelic naivety. 

What a beautiful, pure form. 

She was like a neighbouring star that passed by a lonely planet, blessing me — its surface — with the incandescent light of the universe. A feeling of peace rang through my heart for the first time. Crystal-clear tears streamed down my face, mixing and on my palms, rippling through the blood-painted skin.

“Why are you crying?” Her lovely chimed throughout the dark swamp.

“I don’t know,” I croaked, the years of silence having beaten down my voice to mere squeaks. Surprisingly, an immediate response echoed through my ears. 

“Well, you must feel bad about something since you’re crying.”

I gazed deeply at this holy being. It was the first time I’d been answered. It was like the first drops of rain splashing on a leaf, the dew reflecting the morning sky on its smooth surface. It felt breathtaking and somewhat freeing. 

“I-I don’t know,” I pushed myself to say. 

I closed my eyes, letting the darkness envelop me momentarily.

“I feel as if even if the void warped and twisted around me, or if this pool of blood swallowed me whole, this crushing feeling would not disappear.” 

The maiden pouted. Then, I saw her eyes light up into embers of flame, like a scorching supernova or the shine of a morning star. She was bright. She was spectacular. 

“It’s alright to feel confused. Neither of us knows why you’re like this, but nothing will change if you continue to trap yourself in guilt,” she advised, each word brimming with passion and genuineness. 

Upon hearing such reassuring, freeing words, I felt as if the murkiness had left my soul. I felt as light as a feather, like I could soar into this void sky. The maiden smiled. It was warm and loving. Every ounce of doubt, and shackles of guilt melted away, sinking back into the ground in that instant. I tried to pull myself from the strings that bound me, but the crimson rot pulled me down and groveled at my feet, begging me to stay. 

It never answered me anyway.

I reached my sin-tainted hands into the maiden’s. She responded with an accepting smile. 

And with one large step, I left my past transgressions forever.